From the hallway to the boardroom, workplace conversations are getting tougher. The list of acceptable topics is becoming increasingly shorter. \u00a0Constructive debate and respectful disagreement are dying arts.<\/p>\n
Along the path to technological advancement and the pursuit of efficiency, we\u2019ve lost the ability to listen deeply and our willingness to be vulnerable. \u00a0In our increasingly distracted and polarized world, it\u2019s easier to dismiss, reject, or avoid thorny conversations entirely.<\/p>\n
Flight manifests itself as sweeping differences of opinion under the proverbial carpet. Beneath the carpet issues incubate like bacteria in a petri dish, slowly multiplying at first until they invariably morph into personality conflicts and power plays. With enough time, problems become too immense and too toxic to tackle. More importantly, the original problem gets lost in this toxic stew, placing significantly greater stress on the system to solve the primary issue now in the face of strained relationships.<\/p>\n
Flight may be as innocuous as glancing down at your phone to text in the middle of a conversation. Flight can also take the form of presenteeism; employees who are physically present but they have mentally checked out, often as a self-protective mechanism.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, fight behaviours runs the gamut from criticism and sarcasm to bullying and it exists in all organizations, albeit more covert in some cultures than others. \u00a0Flight frequently rears its ugly head as passive-aggressive behaviour. Have you ever witnessed a colleague being shut down or ignored outright. How often have you seen conversations transform into hallway gossip? These are all examples of fight behaviour.<\/p>\n
Both flight and fight are harmful if not promptly identified and positively dealt with. If left unchecked, these two polarized stances lead to the same predictable results: employee disengagement, poor working relationships, lower productivity, higher employee turnover, less innovation and a soured corporate culture.<\/p>\n
Fight and flight are inevitable responses to stressors in the environment. Here are simple skills and techniques that can help you overcome these human tendencies and learn how to disagree well.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong>Too often, our discussion goal is to change the other person\u2019s mind. We rarely engage in a conversation anticipating that we need to shift our perspective. In the new world of work, leaders don\u2019t have all the answers. It\u2019s hubris and naive to believe that additional scrutiny won\u2019t improve our ideas or expand our thinking in some way.<\/p>\n Imagine you are with a colleague conducting a venue site assessment for an upcoming off-site meeting. You are admiring the stunning view from the grand foyer. Light floods the room from the 35-foot cathedral ceilings. On the other hand, your colleague is roaming around the dark, windowless basement complete with builder-beige coloured paint and musty broadloom. Each of you would have a very different opinion of the venue. Each of you would be right.<\/p>\n Presume instead that you and your colleague are working off very different data and seek to understand what that full dataset is. Fleshing out the example above, you believe that your colleague is acting negatively as she\/he describes the venue as uninspiring if not downright depressing. They, in turn, wonder about your judgment when you describe the event space as being perfect for team-building and celebration.<\/p>\n Why do you and your colleague have such different interpretations of what you believe is the same environment? How can you learn more about their worldview, e.g., take a trip down to the basement to understand their experience better? Invite your colleague up to the foyer to understand where you are coming from.<\/p>\n While this is a simplistic example, it describes what I regularly observe in the workplace.<\/p>\nAsk for clarification.<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Rather than disagree with each other, take the opportunity to learn.<\/strong><\/h4>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a02. Create a Yes and<\/em>\u2026 Scenario<\/strong><\/h3>\n